RHBH: “If I see a needle, I know to be quiet.”

November 9th, 2011

After this weekend’s awesome debut of Real Housewives of Atlanta, I figured that whatever episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills we got last night would seem a bit sedate by comparison; not only would the juxtaposition of the two different casts be stark, but Bravo tends to tone down other Housewives franchises if one is having a big episode in a particular week.

That was mostly the case last night; the Malouf-Nassifs hosted another spa party, this one at Paul’s office, and Kyle hosted a seance. No big fights happened, no one got called a crack head, Brandi didn’t hit anyone with her crutches. Ho hum.

We started with an old standby of Housewifery – the medispa party. This one was conducted by our dear friend Paul, who promised to zap Kyle’s muffin top (which wouldn’t exist if she bought pants designed for adult women who have hips) and fill all the weird hollowness in Taylor’s head and give Lisa an opportunity to sit around and laugh at everyone else messing with their faces. Kim was coming, and she may or may not have been under the impression that she was getting a free facelift, but she was late.

We joined Kim in the car while everyone else (except for Camille, who was hiding from her life at the moment) had already arrived at the party, and she acted like her being late is a rare thing instead of a constant occurrence. It was amazing that she didn’t manage to cause a massive accident while absentmindedly making her way down the interstate while having a speakerphone plastic surgery consultation with Paul, but she didn’t, and Kim eventually arrived at the office to get stuff shot into her face. For future reference: HANDS AT 10 AND 2, KIM. 10 AND 2.

Once she was inside, though, the weirdness didn’t stop. She told everyone that she was late because she was getting ready to move (which, as Lisa mentioned in an utterly hilarious Kim impression, is just another in a string of weird excuses) and had been packing non-stop, but when her cast mates inquired, Kim refused to tell anyone exactly where she was moving. Supposedly that was to keep her sister from finding out, and although I can understand that Kyle is kind of overbearing, refusing to tell a close relative and sometime caretaker where you’re moving until you move there seems incredibly immature. Kim’s such a mess that I can’t blame Kyle for being all up in her business sometimes. Someone has to be, and Kim sure doesn’t seem all that involved herself.

Speaking of things in which Kim shall not be involved: Seances! Evil, spooky, populated-by-demons seances. Obviously, I do not believe in this stuff, or psychics, or astrology, or the Easter Bunny or anything else. I just don’t. Although if I had to pick one, I’d pick the Easter Bunny, because none of those other things provide delicious chocolates. Anyway, back to the point: Kim thinks that she’s already, like, super connected to the spirit world and she’s afraid that if she goes to the seance, she’ll come home with a new house guest, so she’s not going.

Obviously, I’m biased and I think that’s a silly excuse, and just in case anyone else felt me on that (I bet Lisa, my one and only lady crush, would feel me on that), Kim threw in the “It’s against my religion!” thing for good measure. No one’s allowed to call you a nitwit once you’ve invoked your religion, because if they do, then you get to shift the focus to them being intolerant and you’ve won the argument. Really, Kim just didn’t want to go to Kyle’s house, and everything would have been a lot more expedient if she’d just said that. We all know it.

Kim eventually found herself inside an exam room with Paul, reading out the long list of the medications that she takes but swearing that she never drinks while on them (we’ll talk about those at the end). Meanwhile, Lisa and Kyle were in the waiting room, reading an email from Russell on Lisa’s pink-cased iPad. Before we launch into the particulars of the email, I’d like to say that I loved two things about this interaction: First, that Kyle wasn’t too vain to put on her reading glasses on television, and second, that Lisa whipped out her iPad to read the email instead of her phone. Anyway, the email was in general response to the Us Weekly article that Russell and Taylor were sure Lisa had planted, and she was the only person who received it. Hmm. I wonder why.

When Taylor later emerged from having various substances shot into her face, Lisa asked about Russell’s email and Taylor feigned ignorance about why he sent it, who it was sent to and what it was regarding. When Lisa started asking more pointed questions, Taylor was suddenly “late” and ran off, which is exactly the problem that I have with these accusations. Let me get this straight: Taylor’s accusing Lisa off all sorts of things behind her back to the other cast members, but she won’t discuss it directly with Lisa when asked, even though one of Taylor’s big complaints about Lisa is that she says unsubstantiated things about her behind her back to their mutual friends. When offered the chance to clear the air face-to-face and in the presence of some of the other people involved, Taylor bolted.

Lisa continued to inquire about Taylor before everyone else left, insisting that Taylor seems to have few friends. She and Kyle disagreed over whether Camille and Taylor are non-TV buddies, but in general, it wouldn’t surprise me if Taylor was indeed a bit lonely. Women with abusive spouses often find themselves isolated by their man’s manipulation and control tactics; female friends are a threat to the abuser’s authority over the victim because they may be seen as a source of support or encouragement for leaving the relationship. Lisa may have been wrong about Taylor’s relationship with Camille, but she was probably right in general.

That doesn’t mean that it’s ok for her to go around town using Taylor’s isolation as a way to gossip about her, if that’s indeed what happened, as Taylor claims. She said that Lisa contacted Camille about it, but until Camille independently confirms that, I’m not particularly inclined to believe anything that Taylor says. Not only is she a grifter to begin with, but women with abusive spouses also tend to stay “on message” when out in public. If that’s what Russell wanted her to say, then that’s probably what she’d say. And the whole thing does work perfectly to shift focus from their terrible relationship on to Lisa, doesn’t it? Just something to think about.

Once everyone (minus Kim) arrived for the seance party, things were actually more or less drama-free. Some of the psychic readings turned out more accurate than others, and obviously Taylor was told that there’s a lot of darkness in her relationship and Kyle was told that she was Kim’s mother in a past life. The most surprising thing, though, was that more or less the entire cast was in the room together, and everyone got along. Even Brandi, wearing a gorgeous Alaia dress! And even with a psychic present! We remember what happened with the last psychic, right? The one with all the bowl-sized martinis and the Cigarette of Insanity? This one was way different.

The lack of drama during the seance was quickly made up for by the drama between Kim and Kyle. They got together at Kim’s house to discuss the extra super secret location of Kim’s upcoming move, about which she would tell no one, and unlike Bravo’s teaser promised, she wasn’t moving out of state. Instead, she was moving in with her maybe-mailman secret boyfriend that we met last week, and Kim also spilled the beans on him to end the episode. The entire interaction was more civil (and less drunk-seeming) than I expected it to be, and next week, Kyle will meet the mailman and ask him about his wedding ring.

Now, though, let’s talk about Kim and the list of medications that I told you we’d get to eventually. They were Trazadone, Lexapro and Topamax, the first two of which are serious anti-depressants and the third of which is an anti-seizure medication also used to prevent migraines. (I’m assuming that Kim’s usage is for headaches.) For all three of these medications, all of which seem to be fairly heavy duty based on my Google-fu, confusion and forgetfulness are a known side effect. For Topamax and Lexapro, drowsiness is also on that list, and for Topamax in particular, weight loss, irritability and mood swings can occur. To be on all three of those medications at the same time is not a trivial thing, and would most certainly have an effect on Kim’s demeanor, probably even to the extent that she would appear drunk half the time. If she was drinking at an alcoholic clip while on these pills, she’d probably be catatonic.

But she’s not, and that’s perhaps more interesting. On this cocktail of medications, if she took them consistently, it would seem like it would be impossible for Kim to have the sort of up-for-days panic episodes that she described in the bathroom with Kyle a few days back. So is she self-medicating with an upper in order to try and even herself out? I’m not an expert, but I don’t think that’s unheard of. Whatever it is, it seems like it might be time for Kim to make a trip back to her doctor to discuss her roster of medications and if they can be adjusted at all; being on so many pills every day that you seem drunk to everyone around you is a tough way to go through life.

Be Sociable, Share!

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Comments are closed.

Filled Under: Handbags Reviews